Pieces on the Table Pt. 2

My life has seemed to fly by since I returned from India. I got on a plane 3 days after getting back to escape to the tropical rain forest. We returned only a few days before New Year’s Eve, and then I left to go back to Denver. Everything feels rushed, and I’m being pulled in every which direction. It’s been unbelievably difficult to maintain the balance between friends and family.

Truthfully, time to myself is something that I’ve desperately needed. I haven’t been able to process India, and my thoughts come out in disconnected spurts with one leading into the next. Just the other night I began describing my time abroad to an old friend and randomly started explaining the political system (barely). Where did that come from? My head is like a swirling pensieve of memories of India.

To shed some light on the title of this blog post and the last, I really do picture myself right now as scattered pieces spread across the table of my life. I walk through my days feeling everything and nothing all at once, and I know that I made it difficult for my family when I came home. The truth is, although I’m not necessarily fully present in moments to an outsider’s perspective I am very present in my confusion. I’m left with these pieces to pick up. What do I want to bring with me? How can I incorporate the experiences and new developments of my character into my life as a member of the United States?

Unsurprisingly, I’ve also struggled with how to share my experiences with my once familiar life in the US. I’m fortunate to be such an articulate person, but I know my stories will be met with more empathy than understanding. Of course it isn’t fair to expect people to understand something they’ve never seen (and no, Slumdog Millionaire does not count). It’s just that I want to do the people I met and the country in which I lived justice. India doesn’t always have a great reputation and while some elements of that reputation are true, it in no way encompasses the beauty and love that pervades through all of India. How can I answer the questions I receive about my safety honestly while also expressing that safety was absolutely not the main focus of my time in India? I neither want to confirm nor deny the suspicions and expectations that people had for my time in India.

And so my journey through time continues in the frigid Denver winter. (It was 1º on Sunday night!!) It’s quite alarming and simultaneously comforting to be back at school, though I’d forgotten what it felt like to walk around and not see many strangers passing me on the sidewalk.

Today I miss fresh fruit stands, and the sunshine and warmth of India.

Pieces on the Table Pt. 1

This afternoon finds me sitting at the dining room table alone, and nostalgically listening to beautiful Rajasthani folk music. I’ve been home for about three days, and it’s hard to grasp. My last month in India was filled with some of the most incredible experiences, and I couldn’t tear myself away from that world to write a blog post.

I’ve decided to keep my blog after India to reflect on what coming back to America is like for me, and also to continue sharing stories and experiences from India with the world. As my brother so aptly said, even if everyone can’t directly connect to what I’m saying, as long as they can appreciate what I’m saying that’s enough right? After all, isn’t life about having experiences yourself? There is no possible way to describe them to other people that weren’t there because they’ll always be getting just a fraction of what the reality was like for you. All anyone can do is listen to one another about their respective human experiences with a patient ear and an open heart.

That being said, I’m having a really difficult time putting words to my experiences in India. They feel too big to describe, too multidimensional for my present vocabulary. Pair that with the shock of coming from India and to America, and you’ve got the essence of these past few days for me: feeling everything and nothing all at once. With Hindi slipping through my mouth like a caged animal craving to get out and stories flying through my mind, I’m having a very difficult time communicating with people.

On one of my last days in Jaipur, I burst into tears as I was talking to Kaitlyn, one of my closest friends from the trip. I was terrified because I was about to leave a country where communication was one of my greatest struggles, and instead go “home” to a country where I didn’t feel like I would be able to communicate at all. In India I struggled to communicate with people because of a language barrier, and in the US I worried I wouldn’t be able to share my stories with people well. It was a stressful and anxious feeling.

I would say that feeling has continued into my first few days in the US, save for my amazing brother and friends. They’ve helped me turn it all around, and I feel a great deal less anxiety than I did 24 hours ago. Even though I know it’ll be hard to share my stories, I can do it. I conquered so many challenges and obstacles in India, that telling the accompanying tales is nothing in comparison to the last five months of my life.

There is much more to tell about my initial shocks and realizations upon arriving in the States, but I’ll tell more about that later. In my next post, I’ll explain the title a bit more as well. For now, I’m off to Costa Rica for some good ol’ nature therapy to help soothe my troubled mind with my lovely family!

A photo of me holding my 3 boarding passes to get back to the USA.

Oh So Busy

It’s been a while since I updated my blog. I’m working on a big piece right now that’ll give more detail about what I’ve been doing recently, but I figured until then I would post a reflection I wrote about one of my days at work during my first week in Udaipur. The setting is a health training camp called “Mai Aur Mera Sharir” (Me and My Body) put on by the NGO with whom I’m presently working. It was a week-long affair that brought girls from nearby villages, ages 10-22, to educate them on a variety of issues. This day had a particularly profound impact on me, so I thought I would share my inner sentiments and observations with the world.

Written October 29, 2013

I was so happy to return to the girls today! The morning began with a gender discussion with a male lecturer from Jatan. Chhatrapal asked the girls to shout out their perceptions of the typical male and female lives from their own perceptions. The girls shared that men were “lazy and untrustworthy” and that women “did the cooking, cleaning, and all the housework.” A couple became very impassioned when they spoke about these differences, and it was clear to me that they were unhappy with the discrepancy between the sexes. Chhatrapal engaged the girls and told them that there was nothing a man could do that a woman couldn’t, and that there were 4 things that women can do that men physically cannot, including giving birth. Some girls spoke up, saying that they had never felt any different from their brothers, a promising sign of the progression of equality. Chhatrapal encouraged the girls to start by changing their brother’s perceptions of women’s rights: it’s not about taking men’s rights down, but bringing women’s rights up. They also brought up interesting societal observations. For example, why is a woman described as “strong like a man” in a story? Can she not be strong on her own as a woman? Why do men get paid to be tailors and cooks, the exact same work women do at home for free?

Chhatrapal then asked who was married from the group. About 20% of the girls raised their hands, and the majority were the lower caste/class and younger girls that were married. Even though I had interacted with almost all the girls and knew that some were married, it was really difficult to see them all together raising their hands. Tears sprung to my eyes, and I’m not certain I can explain why. One of the girls beside me watched as the few tears streamed down my face, which made it all the more difficult for me to contain my emotions. Being confronted with the reality of their lives was a strong reminder of Nonetheless I regained my composure, intent on staying strong for the girls in the room.

The second half of the day was dedicated to menstruation and pregnancy. One of the girls was put into an apron with a uterus on it, and Pinkyji explained the menstrual cycle and pregnancy to the girls. The more interesting section was the group discussion. Pinkyji and Oksanaji gave the groups two questions to discuss in their groups: 1. What are the problems you personally face during menstruation? 2. What are the social attitudes regarding menstruation? Though we couldn’t understand the group wrap-up because Zeenat had gone home, the discussion seemed to be meaningful.

After that, Kendra, Zeenat, and I went to a special house warming dinner put on by Pushpaji’s brother! It was a fantastic celebration, and we had a great time. It was a HUGE celebration, and there was a ton of food. I ate about 4 ladoos, a delicious Indian sweet that are offered to the god Ganeshji. We took loads of lovely pictures, and it was a nice way to end the day. On the way home, I encouraged my bike driver to race the other motorcycles back to the house, as Kendra, Zeenat, and I were on 3 different bikes. I hate to say it, but India is making me really like motorcycles (sorry Mom!). Here’s to more (safe) races and delicious dinners!

Diwali!

It’s hard to believe that it’s already November. As of tomorrow, I’ll have been in India for 3 months; can that really be right? Time is flying by so quickly, and I find it difficult to not think about how much I’m going to miss this country.

I just returned to Udaipur, my new home for the next month, from Jaipur for Diwali with my host family. Diwali is the biggest holiday in India, and it was such a blast! Entire cities decorate their homes, businesses, streets, and palaces with lights and candles. The city glowed at night, its warmth beckoning me to join the festivities.

I went back to Jaipur with many of my fellow MSID pals. We arrived in the early morning after taking a sleeper bus, and I was overjoyed to see my Auntieji’s shining face when I came home.

The trip was too short, and it went by in the blink of an eye. I was so glad to see all of my friends, even after just being apart for a week. We had a reunion at a café, and from there I went to meet Ben from Sikkim! What a pleasant and unexpected surprise. It was nice to see him after a month, and I enjoyed comparing our experiences in the country. We sat at a rooftop restaurant with Jaipur surrounding us with its lights and fireworks; it is a sight I never tired of admiring that night, and one I will surely never forget. The evening, like the rest of the weekend, slipped by quickly. I wish I had had more time to spend with that crazy Australian.

And Ben, if you’re reading this, I hope you’re enjoying your travels in Indonesia!

Sunday was the ultimate festival day. I helped Auntieji make delicious barfi, an Indian sweet, and it was great fun to see her in her element. I enjoy helping her more than I think I could ever verbalize. It makes me feel like a true part of the family, and we have a balanced give-and-take in our relationship.

After that, I went to Kaitlyn’s house to help make rangoli . I love her host family too, and they have kids that are my age. Shout out to Dimpy, Bolbol, and Shabam–y’all are the best! Kaitlyn and I ate lunch at her house and mine, then took a walk in Central Park in the afternoon.

 

Two of the lovely rangolis we made at Kaitlyn’s house!

The evening was lovely, though it’s a memory that is more vivid in my mind than I would be able to express in words. Experiencing the holiday with the family was an unparalleled moment, and I am so glad to have had the opportunity to integrate myself into their lives.

Leaving Jaipur was really difficult. Both times, it felt like my heart was being wrenched out of my chest when I said goodbye to my family, and it saddens me to think that I don’t have much time left with them. Nonetheless, I’m unbelievably grateful for the great amount of love they give me. My Auntieji told everyone that we met over the two days that I’m like a daughter to her, and even now, that statement makes my heart soar.

Moti putting up candles in front of our house as part of puja.

Auntiejie and me in front of our decorated waterfall!

Kaitlyn and I were the showstoppers of Diwali in Jaipur.

I love Dimpy!!

October Photo Montage

Beautiful panoramic view of Jaipur.

The following photos are in reverse order, going from the end of October through the beginning. What a whirlwind month! It’s hard to believe I’m leaving in less than 48 hours for Udaipur. Here’s to great adventures, new and old!

Panorama of Chand Baori

Chand Baori! It’s an incredible step well-a true architectural accomplishment. You may recognize it from some scenes in “Dark Knight Rises.”

 

Fun with the kids 🙂

Almost everyone in our house pictured, minus Tarun, Ira, and Moti.

This is my beautiful, delightful, and bright Auntieji! She is hardly seen without this magnificent smile on her face 🙂

 

Naman and Puja!!

 

With Rekaji, our delightful homestay coordinator.

 

Elsa and me with Jaipur behind us!

Kaitlyn’s host family’s Raavan effigy ready to be burned for Dussehra.

This is me with my buddy Chubs! He’s the sweetest, and can brighten any of the darkest days, but he’s super fat. That’s a very important characteristic of his, hence the nickname!

Kittens make us crazy! So much love for baby Minny 🙂

Freshly pierced nose!

Kitten at Kaitlyn’s homestay!!

 

Auntieji’s puja (worship) room in our home.

This is our Central Park dog! We call it “nahargarh,” or tiger in Hindi because of its striped body.

Indian flag in Central Park waving with the sun rising in the background-always a beautiful sight!

Medical Mystery No More

I have received a lot of support recently from friends and family alike to get me through my sickness, and to all of you, even those that didn’t reach out to me but are reading this, thank you so much! You all give me strength to fight through any ailment that takes me, mental or physical.

I’ll get to what has plagued me for over a week, only a blink in the grand scheme of my time in India. The blood tests on Monday came back positive for…drum roll please…Dengue Fever! Luckily, I am through the worst of it, and as of yesterday feel back to my old self! I have all of my strength and energy, and was able to exert myself just like a typical day in India. Unluckily, my liver enzymes are still a little defunct. My doctor has prescribed me a diet with no oil or butter and plenty of sugar to balance my body. I’m more than happy to eat a ton of fruit, drink fruit juice, and eat delicious Indian sweets to my heart’s content if it means making my body better! I should be back to normal by next week, and am looking forward to a week in Jaipur with my host family before jetting off to my internship/field placement near Udaipur. I’ll be working with an organization called Jatan, and hopefully placed in a rural village setting.

At this point, I’ve worked through most of my anxiety associated with leaving my Jaipur family and throwing myself into an unfamiliar environment completely alone. Though I’m sad to leave my family, I know that the rural field placement one of the big reasons I chose this program. It is certain to be a wonderful experience, and I’m excited for my Hindi to flower more than it already has.

Today, Elsa, Auntieji, and I watched the Indian equivalent of “Master Chef” for children on TV! Loads of fun, and I could understand a lot of what was being said. It was an exciting moment for me, especially because watching the news is incredibly difficult. They speak so quickly! Until we meet again, Internet.

Bug Wars

She’s won the battle today. Though my body is weak, my mind is strong! As I sat listening to Elsa describe the tremendous efforts she’s taken to keep the enemy away, my mind flashed back to a recent early morning bonding time I had with Auntieji. It was before my sickness overtook me, and I had woken up at 4:30 am on my own for no apparent reason. I took the opportunity to call my Dad, and then snuck out to our garden in the front yard to admire the sky as it changed colors at sunrise.

Following that peaceful experience, I came inside to find Auntieji up and getting ready for the day. I helped her fill the water pots in the kitchen with the government water that comes for an hour each morning. She was uncertain about allowing my help initially, but soon welcomed my extra pair of hands. I cut down her work time immensely, giving more time for her morning puja (worship). At one point, I entered the kitchen and found an ant attack taking place before my eyes. I was scooping down to pick up the dead insect’s body, when my Auntieji spoke out to stop me, and subsequently taught me a great lesson in how to get rid of ants–turmeric powder! To my amazement the moment the orange spice hit the ant pile, the ants began to disperse.

A week later, I was sitting in my room mid-house arrest (only kidding) and taking care of myself. Elsa pranced into my room and began telling me all about her day, much to my delight. Her positivity and liveliness was my constant source of energy while sick, and she holds a great deal of responsibility for my sanity in India. After she half-awake doodled pictures of the Taj Mahal and a water buffalo on my leg as if it were a cast, Elsa retreated into her room in a sugar coma. From there, she yelled to me that she had forgotten to tell me about the new occurrences with insects in her bathroom, which is connected to her bedroom. She was vague and sugar was coursing through her veins, so I barely understood what she was trying to say to me.

It wasn’t until the next day that I fully understood the message she was trying to portray to me. The following series of events was truly my greatest source of entertainment while I was sick and unable to leave the house. I was in tears from laughing so hard! Best described by the lady herself and I quote, “I’m having a full-on war with the ants in my bathroom.” They take to walking in the lines between the tiles, and come out of all sorts of nooks and crannies in organized groups of troops. Her plan of action was primarily dependent on pouring water over these soldiers, and there was a collection of dead ants dotting the green floor. Or, as Elsa said, “Every time I go into my bathroom I have to step over the wet graveyard that’s accumulated in the doorway.”

Unfortunately, Elsa was running low on tactics to battle the pests, water being her only option besides smashing them all to death with a shoe. In a moment of clarity as I sat in fits of laughter on Elsa’s bed, I flashed to that morning in the kitchen with Auntieji. “Turmeric power,” I gasped, “that’s it!” I excitedly looked at Elsa and told her what I had learned. She was absolutely ecstatic, and we scampered downstairs to grab a pinch of the new weapon in the war. Elsa has taken to calling the powder “Agent Orange,” and it makes me giggle uncontrollably. Though “Agent Orange” had the anticipated effect, Elsa expressed her concerns after a few minutes. “Where did they go?! Now I’m just afraid that they’ve scattered and are going to congregate somewhere else!”

The war wages on, though in a way we had both won a battle that day: she with the ants, and I with my sickness. We are two warriors for justice, internal and external! I refuse to apologize for that corny plug. I know Elsa would read it and roll her eyes with an “Oh my god” escaping her lips, and I just love it when she does that! How lucky am I to have a friend like her.

Update: Elsa read this blog post. The previous paragraph was an exact description of how she reacted. I’m a psychic.

Elsa’s masterpiece…que magnifique! Living art.

The first picture of me and the Bensonater. Love at first cow.

 

When Sickness Strikes

My, what a week it’s been in India! I’ve been fighting some illness or another for about a month now. It started with serious diarrhea (loose motions, as they’re known in India), and I mean a faucet opening up every time I went to the bathroom. No fun, but made for some pretty hilarious stories and bonding with my friends. I won’t go into too much detail for the sake of you keeping your lunch 😉 Then I had a cold, which didn’t bother me much. I’m quite used to being congested.

This past Monday, things took a turn for the worse. I was feeling sick, so I went and lay down in the pillow room at school. It’s on the opposite side from where our main classroom is, and so I lay upon the festively decorated pillows under the pleasant breeze provided by the fan above me without much disturbance. My condition had worsened all day, so I was looking for some momentary relief in the form of a nap before my next class. My darling friend Monica came to check on me for class, and when she grabbed my arm to help me get up, she repelled from me. “Alisa, you’re really hot,” she worriedly said. “Tell me something I don’t know,” I slyly but dazedly responded. She chuckled, then sent one of our administrators to see me. I went home half-conscious and passed out for 4.5 hours only to be awoken by Elsa that evening. We took my temperature–103.1! That’s the highest fever I’ve ever had. It went down, then back up the next day. Luckily, I haven’t had a fever for a few days, so that’s one symptom to cross off the list.

Since then, I’ve been battling for survival. Ok, maybe that’s a bit dramatic, but every day has been a struggle since then. Today I went in for my second set of blood tests and a sonography to try and figure out what’s happening to my body. My doctor, Shashan, was wonderful. He was upfront about what he was seeing, and we had an honest dialogue about my health conditions. It was pretty cool to get a sonography. I got a glance at my insides! I’ll see if I can get a copy to pass around. The conclusions to be drawn so far are that my spleen is enlarged, but my liver is not. Most everything looks normal, though I will be visiting a gynecologist to sort out a long-existing hormonal problem that is affecting my health. I’m not certain what it is, but it might be an ovarian disease? In the words of Tarun, “it won’t be important until you get married.” Oh, how Tarun makes me laugh.

On the bright side, I don’t have malaria! On the other hand, I’m a medical mystery.

My sickness has really brought the household together. For 2 weeks now, Elsa and I have felt like a true part of the family. “Don’t go back to America.” “We’ll adopt you!” “Do what you like, it’s your house!” These quotes are among some of the many that have stuck out to me uttered by various members of the family when talking to Elsa and me. Today, I lay with my head in my Auntieji’s lap and her hands covering mine as we waited for my sonography. She remarked that I was “like her daughter.” My heart truly soared. Even Tarun came to my doctor’s appointment! His presence was the most surprising, but comforting because he understood better than the rest of us what was happening and the medical mumbo jumbo.

Last night was a big family bonding night. We found out that Tarun hasn’t spoken to any of the other exchange students as much as he has Elsa and me. To him, we are special because “we are family now.” And really, that’s how it feels. It’s not that I have family in America and in India; I have one big family!

So although a rash now covers the majority of my body, my heart is full of joy and happiness. My family, here and in America, gives me the strength and courage to face this illness head-on. The Bollywood drums beat the same as my heartbeat. Chak de! I can do this!

The Fall of Cotton T-Shirts

Cotton t-shirts, my once beloved comfy shirts, you have failed me. You shirts I wore so happily before India I now detest. A sweat prison has replaced that comforting shirt-wearing experience. Your high absorption capacity makes me acutely aware of just how much I’ve perspired at any given moment. Though you provide a nice place to wipe my face on the hottest days, the majority of my day is filled with moist agony. I count the minutes until I can take you off. Oh cotton t-shirts, how could you fall so low? How could you fail me when I needed you most? Even under the fan at home, you trap all my sweat and allow no air to soothe my hot body. Curse you! I won’t forget this, not for one minute.

And all of you that came with me to India? Forget coming back to America.

Living the Dream

Here’s a peak at my recent escapades as a young, confident female in India!

Sharing a beet with Elsa 🙂

Getting buff with Maytham before heading back to the States. 

Zip lining in Jodhpur!

2 pictures of Jaipur at sunset. The first is a shot of Moti Dungri and the Ganesh Temple.

A look at Jodhpur, the “Blue City.”

Fun times with friends!

Puja!! She’s the cutest. Elsa is about to pick her up.

Here I am doing a traditional Rajasthani dance, and then freaking out while holding a worm.

Rest assured everyone, I’m having a lovely time 80% of the time in India. Hope to hear from you all soon!